Oct 4, 2012

i Surrender



 
On to Jesus I surrender . all to Him I freely give

Only this time I freely gave to another
This time I surrendered to a god
Who was lesser than the God I should
Have freely given to ,
better yet totally surrendered to to begin with

I took my heart
and I handed it over
And like a child ,
my body, spirit and soul run excitedly away with it

He said it was love
And it seemed the kind that sorta looked like it
The hopeless romantic that I am was smitten
He had me on slow long walks in the night
Beautiful morning messages
Sweet words before goodnight
Brutally spoiling me with gifts
Checking up on me on the regular
Regular calls
Regular balls
Regular…   
Just regular stuff
He said he would do anything for me
Even catch a grenade for me  

But I was juggling chain saws
When I made him
Make me
Make us
 Make him
Compete our time with God


And as I was busy litigating emotions with God
He became like a parasite
And made me his host

He was like an irrepressible, resilient, co-dependent, domineering, self destructive bacteria
And I freely surrendered,
 No I freely gave
Better yet….,
I totally donated myself to be his host



I knew something wasn’t right , am not that dumb
It was wrong from the very beginning
He had danger in his eyes
His smirk and wink proved it
His look wouldn’t jinx it
His words echoed caution
His actions switched the red the lights
I wasn’t too dazed to recognize these sights
And My spirit, it  wldnt stop the Warning beeps 


But I looked past the lights
I counted it as a slight
I saw a war in sight
Pretended I had no frights
I was up for this fight
I would dodge every smite
Throw my fist with all my might
Draw a sword like a knight
Win this war with all delight
But to be truthful I was a lover lost in heights


But trading Him for God,
I mean God for Him was tantamount to psychopathic tendencies
In a blink of my eye ,He ld lie , cheat, yell, hit me and say he loved me

Correct me if im slow
Cuz HE , He taught me
Love is patient ,and is kind
Does not envy, doesn’t boast
Is not proud, not rude
Not self seeking, not easily angered
Keeps no record of wrongs, does not delight in evil
Rejoices with truth.
Always protects, always trusts
Always hopes, always perseveres
And NEVER fails


But this love failed constantly
Doing the opposite of evryth He said
A chord of 3 strands can’t be easily broken
But this chord easily crushed
Because the first and most important chord was not even existent





I made the man my god
A god of a man when he wasn’t even a man of God
Much less be a god of a god
The absurdity of relegating God to the background
To make him my god
The nod of an ungodly rod
gnawed the glory of unflawed god
I made the man my god in place of God
I ….., made him
Make me
Make us
 Make him do this

Don’t get me wrong,
In my heart I knew I loved God
Or at least like most people I flirted with the idea of loving Him
I mean I still went to church
Said my prayers often
When I wake, before I sleep, and at meal times
Even though often after my first bite
 Loving him yet giving him a bit of my heart
See I made them rivals
Battling love between my lovers
my man and my God.
Forgetting that a master is to be served well one at a time never two

But thinking that everything
Would metamorphosize its own way into redemption
Was as ridiculous as seeing a pregnant 5year old
Or a 90 year old in sagging jeans and baggy shirts
But I discovered this, that dancing in the tune of hot and cold  
Was a like progressive disorder, an acute syndrome, a canker, a fatal disease
Like Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s or cystic fibrosis
But this disease couldn’t be managed
Had no drugs to repress it
No injections to reduce the side effects.


It was like Chewing gum.
It tastes sweet until you bite your tongue
I was as uncomfortable as a baby in a wet diaper
But this baby had a nappy rash.
The kind that’s nasty
Spreading to all areas of the butt so i cldnt even sit




If you think sitting in sin is hard on a Christian’s conscience
Try tiptoeing through it .
 The darkness makes you
 Miss a step and shift a foot and stumble often.
U scrape your knee and sprain you ankle

And the bruises of the physical is nothing compared to
The harm to soul
I needed no doctor to tell me..
The truth There had to be a theatre
There had to be the bright lights
I surrendered for his surgery
His scalpel cut through my soul
His forceps grabbed, maneuvered and removed my willful sins
He washed me with blood so hot it gave no room for the cold

I surrendered all
The dude I had made god,
The excuses I thought aloud
The sin my body did applaud
I surrendered me.

And he ,
He gave His son to save me
His spirit to fill me
His word to guide me

And so every moment I surrender
And every new surrender
Is better than the first surrender
Its my heart being rendered
Affording his sanctified tender   
 And so like the many other times moments, again I surrender
But only this time I am freely giving to another

This time I’m surrendering to a God
Who was more than the god I shouldn’t
Have freely given to,
Better yet shouldn’t have totally surrendered to to begin with

I am taking my heart
And I’m handing it over
And like a child
If my body, spirit and soul run excitedly away with it,
Am assured
In fact am unquestionably, undeniably, undoubtedly
Without a hint a doubt know
Know ifs ands or buts
I know
it will be safe
Safe in the Lords hands